A Line I Crossed
by Speaker for the Dead aka 17
Summary: The Enterprise-F appears in the Delta Quadrant to take the Voyager home, but something's not right with this scenario....
1. Default Chapter

linecrossed1 ****

A Line I Crossed (Part 1)

Another _Voyager_ fanfic by TaTTooGaL™ (Lt Taya 17 Janeway) 

__

Go ahead, push your luck,

Find out how much love the world can hold

Once upon a time I had control

And I reined my soul in tight

--Dar Williams_, After All_

The _Enterprise_-F was like a phoenix, streamlined and elegant, sweeping the skies with avian grace. She had a long pedigree, a proud Starfleet tradition behind her, one that she was obliged to continue. Every time the Starship _Enterprise_ fell, a new one would arise from the ashes of the old, stronger and more powerful than before.

On the bridge of the ship, Captain Data observed his crew working together with satisfaction. They were a fine lot, this new crew, but somehow he felt that they lacked the dynamism they had shown under the command of the last captain. Barely six months in the center position, Data was still adapting to his new routine; after thirty years of being the science officer of this proud ship, he found the task of getting used to his new routines daunting, even for an android.

From the helm, young Alena Paris worked the controls with deft, sure fingers. Alena was the granddaughter of the esteemed Admiral Owen Paris, the man who was considered by many to have single-handedly brought down the Borg. But Data knew better. It wasn't common knowledge, being classified by the Temporal Prime Directive, but the _Enterprise_-E had been responsible for the downfall of the Borg Queen, which led to the subsequent weakening of the Collective.

From his side, his first officer, Denbri made a gesture with her hand. "She's late again." 

Data glanced at the poised Romulan sitting beside him. She fixed him with a dark, steely gaze, the ridges on her forehead distinctive but not overly pronounced. "Fourth time this week." 

The android shrugged fluidly. "She has a lot on her mind these few days." 

Denbri narrowed her eyes. "It's been six months since her mother died, Data. You know that. If she still hasn't gotten over it by now, perhaps she should see a counselor." 

Data frowned. "For humans, six months is a significant period of time, being precisely half a Terran year. Many of them take it as a point for retrospect. It would be easy to see why she would be distracted these few days." 

"Gentlemen, you may be missing the point entirely," commented Counselor Ezri Dax from Data's other side. "After all, we are close to completing our mission. She may just be distracted by this." 

"You're not empathic," jibed Denbri. "You wouldn't know that." 

"I'm a counselor. I don't know; I guess." 

"Wouldn't know what?" Lieutenant Amanda Tighe stepped onto the bridge and headed towards her station, relieving the young ensign on duty there. He moved off as she faced her colleagues, hands on her hips.

"The reason why you're late," commented Denbri dryly.

Tighe threw up her hands. "I overslept! Sor_ry_." 

Data perused his new science officer with a slight smile on his face. She'd gotten her dark hair bobbed recently, and every time she walked onto the bridge he saw echoes of her mother and father in her. Such sterling officers they had been. It had been a great loss to this ship when both of them had died within a month of each other. Captain Tighe had been an excellent commander.

One of the science panels lit up abruptly, momentarily disrupting that line of thought as he consigned it to a subroutine of lower priority. Tighe turned and worked at it, then her eyes grew large. "Captain, it worked! We've found the Starship _Voyager_." 

*****

On the bridge of the Starship _Voyager_, Commander Chakotay was worried. The Delta Flyer had been missing for over a day now, with both Captain Janeway and Lieutenant Paris on board. They had been out on an exploratory mission when a level-five ion storm had struck, stranding the _Voyager_ and cutting off communications with the Flyer. Searching for the missing vessel in the ionic residue was like searching for a needle in a pointy silver haystack. He gritted his teeth, feeling frustrated. The _Voyager_ herself had also been damaged in the storm. It had arrived unexpectedly and overwhelmed them, overloading circuits and frying circuitry. _A thunderstorm out of the blue, indeed,_ he thought wryly.

Ensign Harry Kim worked feverishly on his newly repaired console, trying to recalibrate the sensors so that they could detect parts of the _Delta_ _Flyer_, something, anything which would distinguish it from the rest of the ionic soup surrounding them. The plasma gases extended for several light years, and briefly Chakotay wondered if he was seeing the catalyst of the formation of a new nebula. Every now and then ripples in the plasma would strike them, probably some form of aftershock from the original storm. The whole crew was jumpy and tense, prepared to bring the safety junctions online at the slightest provocation.

Kim smacked his fist on the edge of the console in irritation. "I can't filter out the sensor echoes from our own ship!" he grumbled. "All I'm getting are readings come from us." 

"Perhaps lengthening the sensor range while limiting its width would alleviate the problem," suggested Seven from her console. 

"I'll try that." He prodded the console for a while, then his face lit up. "It's working! Thanks." He swept the newly configured sensors through an increasing radius around them, then frowned. There had to be something wrong with the readings he was getting. He scanned the anomalous sector again and got the same result as he did before. "I'm not sure if this is a sensor ghost," he announced, "but we're picking up large amounts of Starfleet-grade tritanium hull plating in sector four-three-four. It's not the _Delta_ _Flyer_. I have no idea what it is, except that it's damned huge. And it's heading our direction." 

******

The _Enterprise_-F exited the Einstein-Rosenberg bridge with fluid ease, and immediately found itself immersed in a colossal plasma cloud. No matter. Tighe quickly reconfigured the sensors to search only for the unique antimatter signature of the _Voyager_. 

Seated in the center of the bridge, Data had a good vantagepoint of the rest of his senior crew. Apart from the security chief, a burly Tellarite named Reskin, and himself, all the other members of the bridge crew were female. And there was Geordi, of course, tending the warp core in Engineering, and Dr Bashir, the CMO of the ship and Dr. Crusher's assistant. Four men out of nine. He wondered briefly what Captain Picard would have thought of this. Captain Tighe would most probably be pleased.

"I have her on bearing six-seven-six," reported the younger Tighe from the science station. "Patching coordinates to the helm…" 

"Got them," said Paris. "Shall I set a course, sir?" 

Data nodded. Such an efficient crew; the best Starfleet had to offer. With tensions on so many fronts in the Alpha Quadrant, he knew that Starfleet was putting in a big risk by sending their flagship to look for an insignificant starship long ago conscripted to the annals of history. Yet there was significance in the fact that their wormhole system had worked. The top brass at Starfleet Command Strategic had deemed that the ability to manipulate the fabric of space-time with such precision would be sufficient to turn the tide of their long-standing war with the Dominion. Plus he knew a certain brilliant strategist who served on board that insignificant starship.

The _Enterprise_ slowed to quarter-impulse as they neared their goal. The Starship _Voyager_ hung silently in space, her hull blackened and scarred by the ferocity of ion storms. Data nodded. "Hail them." He adjusted his ramrod-straight position slightly, anticipating contact with an old, cherished friend. 

The man who came onscreen, therefore, came as a mild shock to Data. Not only was he not the captain of the _Voyager_ as he'd expected, but he was also listed as having been deceased for seventeen years in Data's information database. "This is Captain Data of the Starship _Enterprise_-F, NCC-1701-F. You are Captain Chakotay, I presume?" 

The man on the other side seemed unsettled. "Commander Chakotay of the USS _Voyager_," he corrected. 

"And the captain?" 

"Is missing in action along with our helmsman. We were unexpectedly caught in this ion storm and it knocked out communications briefly. They were out on an exploratory mission when it happened, and the ship, the _Delta_ _Flyer_, is of whereabouts unknown. We're still looking for them." He paused, then he asked, "Has Starfleet sent you to bring us home?" From years of dealing with humans and his own experiences with his emotion chip, Data managed to detect an undercurrent of hope.

"Yes," he replied, "but we will not leave without your captain." 

Chakotay looked vaguely scandalized. "Of course not. I wouldn't ever dream of leaving the captain behind." 

"The _Enterprise_ has sensors which are much more powerful than those of the _Voyager_; perhaps we can locate your ship faster if we assist you," suggested Data. 

"It sounds like a good idea," replied Chakotay, the start of a smile forming on his face. "We'll transmit the schematics and last known coordinates of the _Flyer_ to you now." 

Ezri nodded and gave Data a thumbs-up to indicate that she was receiving the information. "Lt. Tighe," Data instructed his science officer, "start working on re-calibrating those sensors." 

"Aye, sir." 

Data turned back to Chakotay. "In the meantime, we should talk. It appears that some facts in the Starfleet database that pertain to your ship are inaccurate." 

Chakotay seemed mildly annoyed. "There'll be plenty of time to talk when we return to the Alpha Quadrant. My ship, as you can see, is badly damaged and in need of repair. I don't want to stay out here too long, in case another storm strikes, but as of now I don't think the _Voyager_ will be able to withstand any sort of journey across thirty-five thousand light years." 

"I will send a Damage Control team over to your ship to assist you," Data agreed. "The sooner we leave this area of space, the better." 

******

__

And it feels like a winter machine

You go through and then

You catch your breath and it's winter again

And everyone else is spring-bound

******

Lieutenant Amanda Tighe didn't need any reminders of winter, knowing that she'd just left the darkest winter of her life and she wasn't ready to face the cold again. But on that damnable ship it seemed that there were endless reminders of her parent's legacies. Sometimes she wished she hadn't deferred to Data's wishes and taken up this assignment, but how could she refuse an old family friend? Especially not one who'd helped her so much in her upbringing. For months now she'd had to endure comments on how much she resembled her mother, or how strong she was, just like her father… And every reference made her uncomfortable, every comparison… It just served to remind her how wrong she had been to distance herself from her parents.

So she'd volunteered to help Reskin on the Starship _Voyager_, just to get away from those crewmen on her own ship. No, not volunteered. Begged. And Data had sensed her desperation and let her go. He was one of those few who truly understood how she felt; one of those few who'd served with Captain Tighe from the first days of the _Enterprise_-E all the way until six months ago.

Now as she threaded her way through the corridors of this strange ship, she felt unstressed as she hadn't been in months. Nobody knew her here. She didn't have to put on a face to hide the fact that she hadn't exactly been on the best of terms with her parents when they'd died. No pretense, no facades, just being herself.

It was refreshing, to say in the least.

She had been assigned to assist Ensign Harry Kim in Astrometrics. The sensor relays had been severely damaged in the storm, and they needed every bit of sensor power to find the _Delta_ _Flyer_ as fast as they could and get the hell out of there. She perused the padd Chakotay had given her again. The repairs all seemed pretty routine to her at least. Not to mention that the technology involved was more than a decade old; she learnt about things like this when she was six or seven.

Kim was waiting in Astrometrics, working on the innards of a console where the panel had been pried off. He was a young man with an open, honest face. He looked up as she approached. "Lt. Amanda Tighe?" he enquired.

"At your service." He smiled pleasantly; she liked him already. "What can I do for you today?" 

"Well, for starters, you can shine my shoes, cook my dinner, do my late-night shift…" he chuckled. "No, really. Some of our sensors weren't really badly damaged in the storms, just overloaded. We only have to reboot them to get them up and running again. But first we have to disconnect them from the secondary EPS conduits." He gestured to the far end of Astrometrics. "You see that panel over there? The controls for the EPS conduits are jerry-rigged inside." 

"I see them. Don't worry, I'm a trained engineer myself." She headed over to the panel, prised it open, and began to work.

As he worked Kim struck up a conversation with her. "So you're from the _Enterprise_, huh." 

"Yes." 

"Not bad. I used to dream of being assigned to that ship, what with it being the flagship and all… but that was such a long time ago. Which _Enterprise_ is it now, the E?" 

"F. The E was destroyed a couple of years ago." 

"Really? That's fast… it was still the D when the _Voyager_ was launched. Guess that's what they mean when they say high turnover rate." He chuckled. "I still can't believe it… after all these years, we're finally getting home."

Tighe cast an odd look at Kim's turned back, ignoring his last statement. "If I'm not wrong, the D was destroyed before the _Voyager_ launched." 

Kim turned to face her. "Really? I don't think so… my memory isn't that bad, you know." 

Tighe put down the isolinear relay she had been working on. "Excuse me, but wasn't your captain transferred over to this ship because the _Enterprise_ was destroyed?" 

Kim looked puzzled. "Is that so? I wasn't aware that there had been a correlation." 

Tighe wanted to laugh at his confused expression. He was either a remarkably smooth actor, or else he was really thick. "Of course there is, you numbskull! Take my word for it." 

Kim returned to his work, shaking his head in amusement. "Okay, I will." He continued to make small talk. "So, you've been looking for us long?" 

"Well, it's been twelve years since your ship has gone missing. I'd say yes." 

Kim's head whipped back up to face her, but before he could say anything the doors to Astrometrics swept open. 

It was like being plunged into a bad dream, only that she was wide awake. Images from the past overwhelmed her vision, and she stood up, feeling dizzy. She dropped the isolinear relay.

__

She was twelve again, running, running from the bad men who were coming from anywhere and anyplace. She was lost, confused; she was the only child onboard; all the adults were getting hurt and she couldn't find her parents.

The images kept coming, fragmented. Her parents, arguing on the bridge; the ship jettisoning escape pods, the blue sphere of Earth growing larger in her vision…

And then she was back on the nightmare ship again before her mother had bundled her off, pressing a phaser rifle into her hand, crying that she wouldn't leave-

"-We're not leaving without Data-" 

"-What chance does he stand? He's already been assimilated by the Borg!" 

"-The mainframe encryption hasn't been broken yet, he can't be cooperating with them-" 

"-You're not risking your life like that-" 

"-Captain the last two escape pods are ready-" 

"-Dammit Justin, you can't do this!" 

"-Dad, dad, please, I don't want to die, please come with me dad, mom-" 

"-Amanda, honey, be a good girl and follow Dr. Crusher-" 

"-You're not staying on the ship are you, mom? You can't-" 

"-your mother and I need to rescue Mr. Data, sweetie-" 

"-I won't leave you here!" 

And then she was running again, down corridors of green and black and white and everywhere there were more of them, more Borg, Borg, and **Borg**--!!

"Lt. Tighe? Amanda?" It was Kim's voice, shaking her from her nightmare. Tighe snapped back into the real world and flushed slightly with embarrassment.

"What just happened?" 

She didn't know herself. Even when she'd been young the memories of the Borg inquest never gave her nightmares like these. So what just happened? The woman who'd just entered Astrometrics wasn't even fully Borg; apart from a couple of implants on her face she looked perfectly normal. Not enough to trigger a panic attack, at least. So she shrugged. "I don't know. Nothing like that's ever happened to me before." 

"Were you hallucinating?" he asked her, looking concerned. Privately she wondered what she thought of herself now. _Strange kid comes in, makes herself comfortable, then starts freaking out the moment somebody else appears._

"Something like that. I was having flashbacks of a … difficult period when I was a child." 

She'd tried to put it as euphemistically as possible, but this Borg woman was sharp and picked up immediately on her non-verbal cues and suggested, "The Borg were involved in the attempted invasion of Earth in 2063. The _Enterprise_-E was the only thing which stopped them… us." 

Tighe nodded slowly. "I'm sorry… I didn't mean any offense." 

"None taken." The woman gazed coolly at her with unusually large blue eyes. "Most people would find any encounter with the Borg traumatic." 

"I was twelve when it happened. My mother nearly died defending the ship." She shivered. "But I've never had many nightmares about it before. It must be the stress." She addressed the Borg woman with mild curiosity. "What kind of Borg are you?" 

"I was assimilated into the Collective at age six," she replied, "and given the designation Seven of Nine Tertiary Adjunct to the Unimatrix 1-0. I was part of the Collective for eighteen years before the _Voyager_… rescued me." She faced Tighe with a steady gaze. "Do not worry. I am part of this crew now." 

Tighe chuckled tiredly at that line. "One would think I would have figured it out by now." Part of her insides wrenched with sympathy as she thought of the poor child she had been, to have her childhood taken away from her. _Not like mine was all that idyllic though._ She sighed and bent over to pick up the isolinear relay she'd dropped. "Back to work, I guess." 

"Hey." Kim put his hand on her arm gently to stop her. "If these panic attacks aren't normal for you perhaps you should see a doctor. Or at least take a break… Seven and I can handle the rest of the repairs here." He afforded her a comforting glance.

Tighe nodded. "I guess a visit to Dr. Crusher might be in order for me," she told him. "Or some bed rest." She smiled at him, feeling mildly better. "Thanks for the concern, anyway." 


	2. Chapter Two

linecrossed2 ****

A Line I Crossed (Part 2)

Another _Voyager_ fanfic by TaTTooGaL™ (Lt Taya 17 Janeway) 

__

B'Elanna Torres was working in Engineering when she heard a voice from behind her, one she hadn't heard for ages. "Lanna?" 

She turned round, hardly believing her ears. "Res?" 

The Tellarite was standing behind her, an almost-silly grin on his face. "Hey. It's good to see you again." 

Torres let out a small cry of delight. "Res! I don't believe this… what are you doing here?" 

"I'm part of the damage control team Data sent over," he told her. "I was told to help the chief engineer in the replacement of some deck plating, but it didn't occur to me who that chief engineer was going to be until I beamed over." He scratched a tuft of hair on his head, a movement that was so endearingly _him_, and smiled. "Well… it was a bit of a shock initially, I must admit. We thought you'd been lost when Chakotay's ship went to the Badlands and never came back." 

"That still doesn't explain what you're doing here. Last time I checked, you were a Maquis renegade on the run with several charges of treason under your belt… and now you're serving on Starfleet's flagship." 

He laughed. "I might say the same for you. Last time I checked, you'd dropped out of Academy and weren't in danger of being made chief engineer anytime soon." 

Torres shrugged. "The most absurd things can happen under the hand of necessity. But how about you?" She grinned up at him. "What, did you bribe the Federation president to give you a royal pardon?" 

Reskin laughed. "Of course not. As you said, necessity makes the weirdest things happen. Starfleet needed help, so I promised I'd be a good boy and they let me back on board. It wasn't the easiest transition, but one gets used to it after a while." 

She nodded. "I know the feeling." She passed him a padd. "Damage inventory… see what your people can do to help mine." 

Reskin scanned down the padd. "All routine repairs… we should be finished within a couple of hours." 

"I'm glad you agree." She smiled at him. "We have a lot to catch up with… but I suppose we'll have plenty of time to do that back in the Alpha Quadrant." She laughed, suddenly feeling light. "I still can't believe it. We're finally going back…" 

He shrugged. "Well, it's not exactly the happiest of places to be in right now, but I guess that's what they mean when they say home is where the heart is… things just don't feel the same when you are in an alien place." 

She picked up an engineering kit, preparing to move on to the next repair job. "What do you mean, it's not exactly the happiest of places?" 

"Well… you probably wouldn't know of this, since it began after you left, but the Federation has been fighting a war with this race called the Dominion-" 

"The Dominion wars? Aren't they over?" 

Reskin gave her a singularly odd glance. "How would you know about the Dominion war?" 

"Starfleet contacts us regularly now… why wouldn't I know?" She stared at him, starting to grow suspicious now. "That's right… they never told us anything about sending the _Enterprise_ to rescue us… and if I'm not mistaken it was still the E when I last checked." 

"That's odd." Reskin looked seriously spooked now. "We've been looking for you ship for twelve years, but never once have we made contact with the ship…" 

Torres' eyes widened. "Twelve years? We've been missing for only six and a half!" 

Reskin took in a deep breath. "Damn." 

She gave her friend a long, hard stare. "What does this mean, that you're messing up the timeline now and things are changed because we aren't originally supposed to meet you?" 

The security chief blinked rapidly. "This can't be right… we checked everything! Our calculations, our sensor sweeps… we can't have gone back!" He frowned, crossing his arms. "There has to be some mistake here… maybe we're all just too excited by the prospect of completing our respective missions. It might just be miscommunication." 

"Or one heck of a weird dream." Torres shook her head, trying to clear it. "Why can't things just be simpler?" 

Reskin put the padd down, the repairs forgotten. "We should sort this out now with our captains before something goes seriously wrong and it's too late to change it." 

Despite the situation Torres laughed. "Now there's the pessimistic doomsayer I remember from the Maquis," she ribbed. Then she sobered. "I guess you're right. Problem is, our captain's still missing, and we need to find her as soon as possible. We can KIV the repairs for now, but not this." 

Reskin glanced suspiciously at Torres. "Her?" 

Torres' commbadge chose that moment to beep, interrupting their conversation. She tapped it. "Torres here." 

"Lieutenant." It was Seven. "Report to Shuttle Bay two at once. We've found the _Delta_ _Flyer_." 

Torres didn't need any second prompting. She was out of the door at once.

******

On the way down to the shuttle bay Reskin kept peppering her with questions, trying to keep pace with Torres' brisk jog. "What's so important to you on that shuttle that you have to keep rushing like this anyway?" 

"My husband's on it!" 

"Your… husband?" 

"Remember Tom Paris? The one you used to think was a complete jerk? I married him." She gave Reskin a wicked grin.

"Paris? Him?" Reskin looked puzzled. "What the heck is he doing on this ship?" 

"Same thing as me. Earning a decent living." 

Reskin frowned oddly. "I might have remembered it wrongly, but Alena's uncle was in prison when the _Voyager_ was launched." 

"Emphasis on _was_. Who's Alena?" 

"Magaret Paris' and Tolvik's daughter. Tom's niece, in other words." 

"I never knew that he had one." Torres arrived at the doors to the shuttle bay and they swished open at her approach. Inside, Chakotay and Data were engaged in a seemingly heated debate. 

Chakotay looked up as Torres entered. "Oh, you're here already. As a matter of fact we don't require your assistance anymore. Captain Data here and I have decided that Ensign Kim and Lieutenant Tighe will be assigned to retrieve the _Flyer_ instead. They'll take one of the shuttles from the _Enterprise_- it'll be faster that way. Our two ships will follow them… but at a slower pace. To accommodate for us." 

The disappointment showed in Torres' face but she said nothing. Instead she gave Reskin a meaningful glance. The Tellarite fidgeted for a while, then said slowly, "Have we correlated the databases on board our two ships yet?" 

"No," replied Chakotay, "there hasn't been enough time." 

Reskin nodded. "After conversing with Lieutenant Torres over here, I have found that there a considerable number of discrepancies between our two ships." 

Data tilted his head to one side in a puzzled manner. "Discrepancies? How so?" 

"In our stardates, for example. We're apparently five years ahead of their time." 

"Fascinating." The android looked disturbed. "We did not detect any sign of temporal displacement when we came through the distance device." 

"We should attempt to find out if any more such discrepancies exist, and if they do, why do they exist?"

Chakotay and Data nodded in unison, curious at this new turn of events. "I knew it was too good to be true," Chakotay muttered darkly. "There must be a catch somewhere." 

Data gestured to them. "Come. We must talk." 

******

__

And if I was to sleep

I knew my family had more truth to tell

And so I traveled down a whispering well

To know myself through them

******

__

She was back on the doomed shuttle Boaedicea_, scouting a region for a starship- or the remains of a starship. Close by was the Enterprise, newly commissioned, guarding over her numerous scouting vessels like a mother hawk, sharp eyed and sharp taloned, ready to defend them in necessary. In spite of all this none of it could save her from what happened._

It was attack out of the blue. One moment she'd been sweeping the sector with all coasts clear, and the next the shuttle had been rocked violently in the wake of fire. She'd known at once that it was a Dominion attack, and the shuttle was helpless under the power of the ship's polaron beams. 

The next memories were fragmented, like a mirror shattered into a million shards by a falling axe-

-she had been trying to fire back at the ship-

-something behind exploded-

-her mother, rising to put out the fire-

-then console exploding, spraying shrapnel, slashing, tearing, impaling-

-lacerations all over her arms-

-the stunned look on her mother's face as she pulled out the long jagged shard of metal from herself, the serrated edges slick with blood-

-then collapsing, power offline-

-running over to her mother, frantic, trying to stem the flow of blood with her hands, to stop up the torn gaping wound-

"-Mom please hold on, help's coming soon, look at me Mom, just keep breathing, look at me-" 

-her eyes losing focus, lifeblood draining away on the floor of the shuttle-

"-don't close your eyes, Mom, stay awake! Please! Keep looking at me, no please Mom-" 

"-Amanda… tell you father… not to worry… take care of ship-" 

"-don't say things like that, please Mom you're not going to die, oh please-" 

"-you'll have to … look after yourself… such a beautiful girl… so proud-" 

-coughing, coughing up pink frothy blood flecked with red, bright against her graying cheeks-

-drawing the last rattling breath, going limp in her arms-

"-Mom? Mom! Oh god, wake up please! Mom! Don't die! Oh gods you can't do this to me-" 

-tears mingling with blood, salt and copper, hugging, crying, begging-

-docking on the Enterprise, too late, too late to do anything-

-her father, first one into the damaged shuttle, eyes filled with shock-

-Dr. Crusher, trying her best-

"-she's gone, oh gods Captain I am so sorry-"

-and all through she was holding on to her mother's body, rocking back and forth and crying like a lost child, asking why did she have to die, whywhywhywhy**whywhyWHY**-

"Amanda! Wake up!" 

Tighe cried out, startled, as Harry Kim shook her shoulder violently. She was on the _Enterprise_'s shuttle _Minorca_, taking a short nap. Kim's face hovered over hers, concerned. "You were screaming… are you alright?" 

She sucked air into her lungs in great gulps, trying to slow her breathing and calm herself down. "Yeah… I had a nightmare." 

Kim blew air between his lips. "Some nightmare… sheesh! Does this always happen to you?" 

Tighe clambered off the sleeping cot, shrugging sheepishly. "If you ask me, no… not until you guys showed up on our sensors at any rate." 

"You mean you only started having such incidences when you found the _Voyager_?" Kim frowned. "Finding us must have been really traumatic." 

Despite herself, Tighe laughed at the dry humor in his words. Then she sobered. "No, it isn't anything to do with the _Voyager_." 

Kim tactfully remained silent, not trying to push her to talk if she didn't want to. 

She angled a glance at him. "Harry… tell me. Were you very close to your parents?" 

A dark shadow flitted over his features as he looked away. "Yes." He drew in a deep breath, and said slowly, "I haven't seen them for more than six years, and I … miss them very much." 

Tighe slapped a hand on her forehead, angered by her own insensitivity. "I'm sorry… I forgot." 

"It's okay." Kim patted her on the shoulder. "I kinda got used to it." 

"Yeah… so I guess you know how painful it is." She gazed at him, her dark gray eyes misty. "Imagine if you lost both your parents forever within the space of two months. _That's_ traumatic." 

Kim's eyes widened in sympathy. "You mean…? Oh. I'm sorry." He was at a loss for words, not knowing how he should comfort her. "It must have been terrible. I'd get nightmares too." 

Tighe clenched her fists in anger. "It was so stupid, for crying out loud! My mom was killed by a piece of flying _shrapnel_, and my dad fell prey to some new strain of _virus_… if the had to die at least they should have died making a difference to the war!" She gazed at Kim, her eyes filling with frustrated tears. "It wasn't meant to happen, you know. I was on _shore leave_. I was supposed to be enjoying myself… but I had to visit them on the _Enterprise_. And not only that, I had to persuade my mother to get on that doomed shuttle with me to salvage a wreck… can you believe it? She died over the remains of some worthless starship. And when my father fell ill, he just went quietly with it. He would never have done that… anyone who survived capture by the Cardassians wouldn't just give up on life like that." 

"I'm sorry." Kim hugged her, and she fell on his shoulder, crying. "Don't blame yourself over their deaths, Amanda…" He paused, thinking. "I know this is going to sound weird, but… once I received a transmission from my future self, where I'd apparently spent 15 years blaming myself for the deaths of my whole crew. Subsequently I went back and changed everything… it wasn't a pretty sight." 

Tighe drew back, glancing at him oddly. "A transmission from your older self… and I thought I'd heard everything on the _Enterprise_." 

Kim shrugged. "Hey, it's true. I was lucky, I got a second chance. But you… you shouldn't waste your life with this chip on your shoulder… I mean, people die on the job all the time, don't they?" 

"I'm not blaming myself, Harry… I'm just so angry that I didn't manage to get to do the right thing before they died." She gazed at him frankly. "Unlike you, I didn't have the best of relationships with my parents. I was forever angry at them… I couldn't stop blaming them for making me live such a traumatic childhood. I never really had one, you know… When I was younger I didn't understand why we constantly lived on the edge of fear, and when I grew older I thought I did, and part of me hated them for it. It wasn't until after my mother died that I realized how much they'd done for me, and by then it was too late to apologize. I hurt them a lot, and they'll never get to know how sorry I am for it." 

"You can't always be sure of that." Kim's eyes softened. "Deep down inside they must have known. And I don't think they'd blame you for being angry, either… they're your parents after all. They'd still love you no matter what… you believe that, don't you?" 

She shook her head and started for the command module, drying her tears. "Yeah… I guess. My mom, she wrote a letter to me to be opened after her death, and she kept telling me how proud she was of me." She sighed. "If only it all hadn't happened, things might be so different today. It was so dumb … what kind of idiots would put their captain in a shuttle bound for a potentially dangerous mission?" 

"The crew of the _Voyager_, for example," quipped Kim. "Why else would we be out here looking for the _Delta_ _Flyer_?" 

Tighe laughed. "You have a point." 

The science console in the command module trilled. "Hey, we've found them!" Tighe grinned, her discomfiture quickly forgotten. "Let's go get your captain." 

******

The conference room on the _Enterprise_ was large and spacious, with a table large enough to accommodate twelve. It was modestly furnished, however, and slightly chilly. Data told them it was part of the Federation's drive to conserve energy aboard starships, but what did Data care? He was an android, and he could have survived in a frozen vacuum if necessary. Denbri, on the other hand, was Romulan, and she was physiologically adapted for hot climates. This constant chill was probably contributing to part of her unease.

The other part stemmed from the eccentricity amongst the crew of the _Voyager_. As their two crews interacted, the discrepancies between their two time frames became more apparent. This _Voyager_ was apparently about six years behind their own time frame. But it shouldn't have been the case. She'd watched Tighe and Dax slave over the math; she trusted that they were correct. Ezri had been a scientist in her former life, after all.

But as she spoke with Commander Chakotay and Lieutenant Torres, what she'd dismissed as the most improbable of possibilities began to sound more and more likely: that this wasn't their own timeline at all; and they'd crossed over into some weird alternate dimension where everything was different.

For one thing, this _Voyager_ apparently had some project devoted to searching for them back in the Alpha Quadrant. Six years ago the Dominion War had freshly erupted and nobody was likely to have started any program like this. And another thing- this _Voyager_ was launched from a space station called _Deep Space Nine_. No such station existed- the only Cardassian space station in the Bajoran system was destroyed in the Federation's conquest of Cardassia. And even the purported launch date of the _Voyager_ was different.

Data frowned, addressing Commander Chakotay. "And how many times has your ship encountered the Borg in this quadrant?"

"Several… at least five or six. We've stopped counting." 

Data nodded sagely. "The _Enterprise_-D encountered the Borg a phenomenal number of times, but the _Enterprise_-E… only once. That too, involved temporal displacement." 

"Seven has fairly accurate accounts of that incident… Captain Picard foiled the plans of the Borg, didn't he?" 

Denbri wanted to slap herself in the head. What were these stupid men doing, discussing things which were of no importance whatsoever to the _Voyager_ and the situation at hand? Why didn't they talk about the crewmembers who'd died on the trip to the Delta Quadrant, or about survivors who came from the _Enterprise_-D?

Data looked troubled. "The incident discrepancies extend further than I'd thought… several years, at least. But now we can ascertain that our temporal displacement is not the cause of these discrepancies. I am afraid that we may be dealing with something different altogether- an alternate universe."

Denbri looked up. Finally, someone was making sense.

Torres frowned. "So, Captain Picard didn't foil the plans of the Borg this time?" 

"No, Captain Tighe did. Captain Picard went down with the _Enterprise_-D on Veridian III." Data sighed. "Captain Tighe is… was a remarkable woman." 

"Tighe… the name does sound familiar," remarked Chakotay. "I might have heard of her before… but I can't remember where precisely." 

"She worked with Admiral Owen Paris and her father to help bring down the Cardassian Empire," Data offered helpfully. "After which she took command of her first ship, the _USS Bonestell_, before taking on the post of the captain of the _Enterprise_." 

Chakotay shot him a glance. "The _Bonestell_ was my captain's first command. What a coincidence…" 

Before Data could say anything further, Dax hailed them from the bridge. "The _Minorca_'s made contact with the _Delta_ _Flyer_," she reported. "We'll be arriving at their coordinated in approximately fifteen minutes." 

Chakotay pushed his chair back, preparing to leave. "Maybe you'd better take this up with Captain Janeway when she returns." 

Now it was Data's turn to cast him a glance. "Wait. Janeway was Captain Tighe's _maiden_ name." 

Chakotay sat back down. "_Too_ much of a coincidence." 

Torres gasped. "Tighe… oh god, I remember!" She nudged Chakotay. "Wasn't that the name of her first fiancee… the one who died on Tau Ceti Prime? With her father?" She gave him a significant look. "_Before_ they got married?" 

Data took this all in and nodded slowly. "Much, much further than I'd thought." 

Denbri snorted in amazement. "Alternate universe, indeed…" 


	3. Chapter Three

linecrossed3 ****

A Line I Crossed (Part 3)

Another _Voyager_ fanfic by TaTTooGaL™ (Lt Taya 17 Janeway) 

__

The Minorca slowed from warp as she prepared to dock with the _Delta_ _Flyer_. Seated at the helm controls, Tighe deftly maneuvered the small shuttle into position to latch on to the larger ship. Kim kept hailing the ship, but there was no response. "I think their communications system is fried," said Kim nervously. The exterior of the ship bore a single dark slash, like a burnt scar; it was ominously dark and silent.

"I'm picking up two lifeforms within," Tighe informed him as she scanned the ship. 

Kim seemed to relax slightly in relief. "That means they're both alright." The shuttle settled with a satisfying click. "Listen," he told her, "I'll cycle the airlocks from here. Grab a medikit and get into the _Delta_ _Flyer_." 

Tighe nodded and scrambled for the rear of the shuttle. She picked up the big medikit from the supplies cupboard and waited patiently outside the airlock. She heard the soft, faint whine as Harry remotely activated the _Delta_ _Flyer_'s airlock, then the _Minorca's_ airlock cycle began. The whine reached a crescendo, and fell silent as the Minorca's airlock door swung inwards. The resulting makeshift corridor between the two ships was dark: power had gone out on the _Delta_ _Flyer_. Taking a deep breath, she crossed the threshold into the darkness.

It was being plunged back into her nightmare. Tighe gasped and backed against the cold wall of the _Delta_ _Flyer_. She was hallucinating again: her mother lay on the floor of the shuttle, grievously injured, fighting for breath, and the _Enterprise_ was too far away to help-

"Who in the world are you?" demanded a wiry, thin man attending to her mother, and in shock Tighe realized that she didn't know who he was. What was he doing in her dream? Tighe shook her head violently, trying to clear it, trying to wake up. 

Her mother tried to push herself up into a sitting position, to get a better look at her. Tighe realized suddenly that everything was wrong, she was wearing the wrong uniform, she wasn't bleeding, and she was actually gazing at Tighe with frank curiosity. "Mom?" she whispered.

Her mother's eyes widened in confusion. "I beg your pardon?" 

The thin man pushed her down gently. "Captain…" 

It was impossible. Whatever she was seeing- there had to be some mistake somewhere. Tighe scrunched up further on the bulkhead, feeling the coldness of the metal penetrate right through to her bones. The thin man approached her, asking more questions which her mind couldn't process. In panic, she cried out. "Harry!" 

Kim burst from the airlock door anxiously, afraid that she'd found some unthinkable phenomena on the _Delta_ _Flyer_. Hs expression relaxed when he saw the occupants of the ship. "Tom! You okay?" 

The thin man shrugged. "More or less." As Kim crouched beside the small woman on the floor, Tom -or whoever he was- placed a warning hand on his shoulder. "Careful, Harry- the captain's sustained some pretty severe internal injuries. Don't touch her." 

The captain angled a look at Tighe. "Who's she?" 

Kim turned to look at Tighe. "Oh, that's Lieutenant Amanda Tighe. She's the science officer of the _Enterprise_-F." His eyes lit up in excitement. "They've come to take us home!" 

"Home…" whispered the captain. She glanced back at Tighe. "Is that so?" 

Tighe couldn't speak. Kim turned to her. "Is there something wrong?" he asked, concerned.

She nodded. "My mother…" she gestured helplessly to the form lying on the floor. "Captain Tighe." 

Kim seemed to catch on with what she was saying. "Our captain? No, this is Captain Janeway." He spoke slowly and kindly, as if to a frightened child. "It's just another hallucination." 

Tighe closed her eyes, trying to find that inner center of peace within her. "No… Janeway… before she married my father." 

Kim blinked in confusion for a moment. "What do you mean?" He thought it over, then his eyes widened in shock. "Damn! The discrepancies… I see it now!" He asked Tighe cautiously, "An alternate universe?"

"Maybe," she conceded, trying to calm her voice and think in a rational manner. 

Janeway tried to sit up, her clear blue eyes widening. "Tighe?" she whispered. Then she was seized by a fit of coughing, and she leaned back on the deck.

"Whatever this is, we can sort it out later," said Tom, heading in Tighe's direction. "First things first… may I have this?" He took the medikit from Tighe's trembling hands.

Kim sank onto the floor of the _Delta_ _Flyer_. "I knew it. It was just too good to be true…" 

Tighe heard a console alert beeping in the distance. "The _Enterprise_ has arrived," she exclaimed abruptly, before she burst out of the _Delta_ _Flyer_ and back to the shuttle _Minorca_, wanting nothing but to leave this nightmare behind.

******

Dr. Julian Bashir was taking stock of the vast inventory on the Starship _Enterprise_. As one of the bastions of Starfleet's frontline defense, the ship boasted one of the most extensive facilities, so much so that it required two qualified doctors to run it instead of one. Dr. Bashir was the junior officer, having been transferred over to the _Enterprise_-E after his graduation from Starfleet Academy with top honors.

Dr. Beverly Crusher, on the other hand, had been a long-standing officer of the ship, one of the original crew who had actually served under Captain Picard as well. She was a beautiful, statuesque woman, but Bashir knew how much darkness there was beneath that chiseled exterior. Her life had been touched by tragedy- first her husband had died in the line of duty; then her close friend Jean-Luc Picard, then Jadzia Dax, then Kathryn Tighe. In their heyday the three of them had earned the nickname of the Three Witches: the captain, the science officer and the doctor. Bashir knew what it was like to lose a close friend; even the joy of sharing his life with Ezri couldn't entirely erase the sadness caused by Jadzia's death. He could hardly imagine how Dr. Crusher managed to survive the torment. For one whose profession was dedicated to the saving of lives, it was ironic that she couldn't save the lives of those who were closest around her.

The past few days seemed to have cheered her up, however. Captain Riker apparently was a good friend of hers, and she was eager to meet him again. Now that the _Enterprise_ was hovering above the _Delta_ _Flyer_, she was definitely in a good mood. He looked up across Sickbay where she prepped a biobed for emergency use, humming a sprightly ditty from some twentieth century Terran musical.

The double doors to Sickbay slid open, and Captain Data stepped in, followed by Commander Chakotay from the _Voyager_. Bashir was curious; why were they here? Didn't they have a lot of other things to do?

Data addressed Crusher. "The captain of the _Voyager_ was hurt in the plasma storm; we're beaming her over to this ship for further treatment." He paused. "Be prepared for a surprise." 

Bashir frowned and stowed the inventory list, heading over to them trio of people. "Is there something wrong?" he asked.

Data nodded. "We got the wrong ship." 

"The wrong ship?" Bashir was momentarily confused, then his mind kicked into high gear. "Like alternate universes, you mean?" 

Chakotay nodded. "As he said, be prepared for a surprise." 

The air before them shimmered with the blue sparkle of the _Enterprise_'s transporter beam. When the four figures had materialized in Sickbay, Bashir realized that _surprise_ might have been an understatement when compared to the astonishment he felt. For he recognized all four of them.

Lieutenant Amanda Tighe: daughter of Justin and Kathryn Tighe, current science officer of the _Enterprise_.

Ensign Harry Kim: tactical officer of the starship _Voyager_, graduated from Starfleet Academy in the same year as Dr. Crusher's son.

Tom Paris: Helmsman Alena Paris' uncle, rehabilitated from a Federation penal colony and currently employed as a ski instructor on Earth.

Captain Kathryn Tighe: Former captain of the USS _Enterprise_-F NCC 1701-F, mother to Amanda Tighe and deceased for half a year.

Bashir blinked. None of it made any sense to him.

Crusher drew in a sharp breath. "Captain?" she asked, her voice unbelieving. 

Paris laid Captain Tighe out on a biobed. "She had severe internal injuries," he told Crusher. "I don't know how much repairs the regenerator of yours did, but I think you'd better have a look at her." 

Chakotay took Tighe's hand. "Captain, are you alright?" 

She smiled wanly up at him, squeezing his hand for reassurance. "I'll be fine, Chakotay. I must admit, though, that I'm slightly confused. Care to fill me in on who these people are?" 

"You have every right to be confused," Bashir told her. "You've been dead for six months." 

Her blue eyes widened as Dr. Crusher closed the regenerative arc over her, but she drolly replied, "Really. I hadn't noticed." 

"We now believe that the starship _Enterprise_ has crossed over into an alternate dimension, Doctor," Data informed him. "One in which Captain Tighe- or should I say Janeway?- did not take command of the _Enterprise_-E, but instead took command of the _Voyager_." 

"And everything's different," said Chakotay.

Dr. Crusher faced them, her professional demeanor slipping slightly. "One in which she didn't die…" 

"Yet," corrected Data. "Our ship is nearly six years ahead in time." 

Tighe- or was it Janeway now?- pushed herself upright as the regeneration cycle ended and the arc slid back to its customary place. If she was feeling discomfort at the frank discussion of her purported death she didn't show it. "So, if you're from an alternate timeline… there is no breaking of the temporal Prime Directive, is there?" 

Data shook his head. "However, our engineers tell us that we may be trapped here indefinitely until they can ascertain as to why we crossed the dimensional barrier and entered yours." 

Chakotay nodded in agreement. "In the meantime Data and I thought it would be helpful if we organized a conference between our two crews to work out exactly where our two timelines split. It may turn up some useful clues." 

Bashir addressed Lieutenant Tighe, who seemed to be slightly paler than normal. "Are you alright?" 

Tighe nodded, smoothing her uniform down. "I'll live, thanks." She cast a glance at Janeway, who didn't return it. "I'll be fine," she added softly.

Data gestured to the entrance of Sickbay. "This way to the conference room, please." 

******

__

Well the whole truth,

Is like the story of a wave unfurled

But I held the evil of the world

So I stopped the tide

Froze it up from inside

******

The conference room of the _Enterprise_ was large, but it certainly wasn't large enough to seat nearly twenty people. As a result, Tuvok, Seven, LaForge and Reskin chose to stand, while the rest crammed around the long oval table, listening as Data addressed them. 

"We have thus far ascertained that the origin of the split between our two timelines took place on [insert date here]. In my universe, the scheduled test flight of the shuttle prototype IIx1a was postponed, and as a result then-Lieutenant Tighe and Admiral Janeway did not die, but went on to spearhead Starfleet's offensive on the Cardassians in 2365. Admiral Janeway played a key role in the bringing down of the Cardassians, including the famous Battle of _Terok Nor_ where the said space station was utterly decimated by Federation forces.

"In 2373 the starship _Borogrove_ was doing a survey on the Bajoran wormhole when its commander, Benjamin Sisko, was contacted by the wormhole entities known as the Prophets. Following that encounter, the Federation worked together with the Bajoran provisional government to set up a small base to monitor traffic in and out of the wormhole, manned by twenty personnel, both Bajoran and human." 

"Which no doubt was unable to do a thing against invading Dominion forces later," observed Seven.

"Correctly deduced," replied Data. "In the meantime, Captain Kathryn Tighe took her first command of the science ship, the USS _Bonestell_, which was assigned to assist Dr. Tolian Soran in his Nexus project. When the true machinations behind his motives became apparent, the _Enterprise_-D was dispatched to prevent the success of his plans. In the ensuing battle with the Duras sisters, both the _Bonestell_ and the _Enterprise_ were seriously damaged. Rather than allow Soran to succeed, Captain Jean-Luc Picard evacuated his crew to the _Bonestell_ and collided with Soran's construct on the ground.

"The _Bonestell_ managed to make her way to the nearest Starbase, but was too badly damaged and had to be salvaged. The surviving crewmembers of the two ships were given new assignments, mostly to Starfleet's newly commissioned starships, the USS _Voyager_, and later, the _Enterprise_-E. Captain Riker accepted command of the USS _Voyager_, which was lost on its maiden voyage, and Captain Tighe accepted command of the newest _Enterprise_, with her husband serving as the security chief under her.

"Three years ago the USS _Voyager_ managed to send its first transmission back to the Alpha Quadrant, requesting for help. Although Starfleet has been unable to send a reply to the ship, it still transmits periodic updates of its logs. A year ago Starfleet Command assigned the _Enterprise_ the mission of contacting the _Voyager_ utilizing the wormhole technology the Quantum Sciences Symposium has been working on for eight years. Six months ago on a salvage mission the _Enterprise_ was attacked by a Jem'Hadar ship, and Captain Tighe was killed in the process. One month later Lieutenant Commander Tighe succumbed to the Altarian fever. Five months later the _Enterprise_ found the _Voyager_ and attempted to traverse the distance between the two. Apparently we were unsuccessful." 

Seated beside Janeway, Chakotay gave her a concerned glance as she drew a sharp, frustrated breath. He put his hand on her shoulder comfortingly. "Everything alright?" She nodded silently, and he decided to leave her alone for the time being.

Denbri, the ex-officer of the Tal Shiar, frowned as she absorbed all the information. "Let me see. Because Lieutenant Tighe and Admiral Janeway did not die in a shuttle crash, the whole universe changed and the Dominion War got extended by what, six years, at least? Strange that such a small event could lead to such a catastrophic change. But it's got nothing to do with our situation, does it?" 

"I don't think it was a small event," said Janeway tersely, and Chakotay gripped her hand.

"Begging your pardon, Captain, but I was speaking more on universal terms than personal terms," replied Denbri crisply, folding her fingers together. "It may seem like a life-shattering experience to you, but it seems improbable that an event which only involved a few people directly would go on to affect billions of others indirectly." 

Janeway tensed, but said nothing.

"But so many other things changed," said Ezri, quickly changing the topic. "What about the Borg incident of 2373? If not for Captain Tighe's insight the Borg may never have been defeated." 

"You're forgetting that Captain Picard would still have been around," LaForge chided her. 

"Indeed," commented Seven. "Captain Picard managed to vanquish the Borg Queen in that incident." She angled her head towards Data. "I believe you were involved as well." 

"No doubt due in part to the Borg Queen's fascination with me," Data observed dryly. Seven smiled at that- an unusual thing, if any.

"One can hardly imagine what one's life would be like otherwise," remarked the Doctor. "On another ship, serving with another crew…" 

"Yeah," Paris said. "I mean, a ski instructor… sheesh!" He took Torres' hand. "Can you imagine? We'd be seventy thousand light years apart…" 

"Look," said Tighe somewhat snappishly, "all you've got is a change in occupation and girlfriend. I never even existed." She shot a look at Janeway, who insistently avoided looking and her. She sighed and her sigh contained a world of hurt and frustration. Kim, sitting beside her, put a shoulder around hers in commiseration.

Denbri surveyed the melancholy room around her and wanted to throw her hands up in exasperation. "Listen to the whole lot of you! All bemoaning the differences between our two timelines as if it was the most important thing in the universe, when none of it really matters. What's relevant is how we can get back to our own timeline and lead the lives we already have, and this isn't helping us any at all." 

"She's right," said Crusher heavily. "There's no point in dwelling on all these… differences forever. We should focus on our mission." 

"Perhaps if our two ships worked together as one we might be able to seek a solution to the problem faster," suggested LaForge.

Torres nodded in agreement. "We have some experience with wormhole technology- maybe we'll be able to help you." 

Data cast an inquisitive glance at Janeway, who gestured wordlessly. _Go ahead, by all means._

"I then declare this meeting closed," said Data. 


	4. Chapter Four

linecrossed4 ****

A Line I Crossed (Part 4)

Another _Voyager_ fanfic by TaTTooGaL™ (Lt Taya 17 Janeway) 

__

And when I chose to live

There was no joy; it's just a line I crossed

It wasn't worth the pain my death would cost

So I was not lost or found

******

Captain Kathryn Janeway sat curled in a ball on the couch of her quarters, gazing out at the starscape. The _Voyager_ was moving at slow warp now, in tandem with the _Enterprise_. They had cleared the treacherous plasma soup and were now back on course for Earth. On the table beside her, her cup of coffee grew cold as she thought about those days before Justin and her father had died. It was still a painful memory, despite the distance of the years between there and now.

And the child…

The doorchime sounded, breaking her chain of thought. She sat up and dried her tears, embarrassed. "Come," she whispered, her voice thick.

It was Chakotay. "Is there something wrong, Commander?" 

He sat down beside her on the couch and faced her, the concern visible on his face. " You're upset." 

She smiled humorlessly at him. "It's that obvious, huh." 

"Would you like to talk about it?" 

She gazed at him, searching his frank, honest expression. Should she tell him what had happened all those years ago? "It's alright if you don't want to tell me," he told her gently. "I'll understand." 

She shook her head slightly, deciding that she had to get it off her back somehow. "It's about the girl… my daughter." She paused, thinking how to put it to Chakotay. "What she said about her not existing… she was wrong. The day before we were scheduled to launch the prototype, a medical checkup revealed that I was pregnant." Taking a deep breath, she continued. "When I told Justin, he wanted to cancel the test flight altogether, maintaining that I shouldn't be out there. But… I was adamant. They'd prepared months ahead for this flight, and I said I wasn't going to let a small thing ruin their plans. And because of my insistence the flight went on as scheduled… and crashed." Trembling, she gripped the edge of the couch as hard as she could. "I lost my father, my husband-to-be… and I lost my child." 

Chakotay put one arm around her as she felt the tears begin to form. "In the months that followed I grieved for my father and for Justin… for the life we never had… but I never mourned the child. Her death was overshadowed by the other two; I never gave it much thought. But now…" She gazed helplessly upwards. "After seeing this young woman and how she's touched the life of others, I suddenly realized how much I'd lost that day. Because of my stubbornness she never even had a fighting chance at life. All that potential… lost. I never got the chance to see her grow up, to share everything that makes a mother and daughter mean so much to each other." 

"It's not your fault…" 

She ignored him and continued talking. "The last night we were together, Justin and I were talking about our future, and we decided that if the baby was a girl, we'd call her… Amanda." At this point her voice broke, and she buried her face in her hands, trying to stem the flow of tears, both hurt and angry at the same time.

Chakotay hugged her tightly as she shook, speaking in a firm, low voice. "Don't second-guess yourself, Kathryn. You couldn't have known what was to happen. The situation was out of your control. Regret's not going to help; it's already over. You've left it all behind, years and years ago." 

She broke from his embrace, red-rimmed eyes flashing in anger. "That's what makes me sick, Chakotay! So much has been taken away from me, and it's too late to do anything about it!" She gritted her teeth. "Damn this universe," she whispered. "Damn it all." 

"There are good times and bad times," he told her.

Her voice softened, regaining some of that firmness he knew so well. "I guess you have a point, Chakotay… but sometimes just thinking of the possibilities unturned makes me feel…" she searched for a word to describe what she felt, but couldn't come up with one suitable enough- "like I've missed something wonderful." 

Chakotay thought awhile. "You know, you may be wrong about it being too late to do anything. Maybe your daughter died before being born in this universe, but she still exists someplace else…" 

She glanced up at him. "On the _Enterprise_…" 

He nodded. "She's still there, and she still misses her mother. You probably haven't noticed it too much, but she's hurt by your refusal to even acknowledge her." He angled his head to look her in the eye. "Maybe you should try talking to her." 

Her brow creased, apprehensive. "I'm not sure if that's a good idea." 

"Look at it this way: what have you got to lose?" he prodded her.

She thought it over for a moment, then nodded slowly. "I'm sure we'll have a lot to talk about." 

__

******

And sometimes I think

My father, too, was a refugee

I know they tried to keep their pain from me

They could not see what it was for

******

The first few weeks following her mother's death, she'd lit a candle in her room everyday, adding a new one daily to those half-melted ones already in her room. Each candle was a balm, soothing and calming her soul, reminding her that there were still good things in the world. As the weeks had passed she found that she had to add a candle less and less frequently; first it was once a week, a taller candle; then it was fortnightly, one with larger girth. Someday she hoped it would just be once a year that she added a new candle to her room.

But today she felt more lost than she'd been in months. So she'd taken her flame lighter and lit every single one of them in her room, filling it with a warm yellow glow. Bathed in the mellow candlelight she'd retreated to her couch and taken out her albums of old holographs, reflecting on her life. She thumbed to the first few pages of the book, taken when she'd been very young. A small girl with dark tousled hair and bright impish eyes grinned out at the world, sequestered in the comfort of her parent's arms. How young they looked, untouched by the ravages of the Dominion War. They'd been on shore leave, taking a refuge from the Cardassians in the lush tropics of Risa. They were such simple times.

Tighe flipped further downwards, and she grew progressively older in the pictures; less carefree, her eyes growing darker and more haunted as the years passed. The last picture was taken mere days before her mother's accident, on the bridge of the _Enterprise_-F. Her mother was sitting in the command seat, her father standing behind, and she was perched on the wide diagnostic panel on the left armrest, proudly wearing a new second pip on her collar. Yet there was a strained quality to it; in the way she sat uncomfortably on the edge of the armrest, her father's hand gripping her mother's shoulder tensely, the forced smiles. It seemed as artificial and contrived as the environment around them.

She shook her head inwardly. _I should never have gone on that trip_, she thought. Prior to that she'd been assigned to the starship _Silver Nova_, and she hadn't seen either parent in months. Her visit to the _Enterprise_ was a weak gesture, at most, to symbolize some kind of reconciliation, an attempt on her part to improve their strained relationship. But the untimely tragedy had left too many things unsaid between them, and in the month that had ensued she'd been to tied up in grief to spare a thought for her father, and then he'd gone to seek her mother. Tighe's lips tightened. _Mistake after mistake._

Her door chimed and the computer informed her that she had a visitor from the _Voyager_. Thinking it was Kim, she brightened and shut the book, straightening in the chair. "Come." 

The door slid open, and Janeway was standing in the frame, hesitant. "May I come in?" 

Tighe nodded wordlessly, and she stepped into her quarters, allowing the door to slide shut beside her. She crossed the room and sat opposite Tighe on the couch without saying a word. For a moment the two women simply sat and stared at each other, saying nothing at all. Then, as if on impulse, Tighe flung her arms around Janeway's neck and hugged her tightly.

When they'd broken from the embrace it seemed as if a barrier had been broken between them. "We need to talk," said Janeway.

"Yes," agreed Tighe. "There are… were so many things left unsaid." 

"Or never had the chance to be said," added Janeway. "Amanda…" she took the girl's hand gently, "you must know that you _did_ exist in this universe- for six weeks, at least. Before the accident." 

Tighe's eyes grew wide in sudden understanding. "You had a miscarriage?" 

Janeway nodded. "On Earth there is a small plot on Starfleet Academy ground with three crosses on it: one for my father, one for Justin… and one for you." She paused, her voice dropping. "I used to put flowers there every year…" 

Tighe placed her other hand over Janeway's. "But you haven't been able to do it for the past few years because you've been out here in the Delta Quadrant…" 

Janeway looked up at Tighe and smiled sadly. "I have a holodeck program on this ship… a Leonardo Da Vinci program. Every anniversary I went there to shut myself away from the world for a while, to draw, and sometimes I would wonder what life would have been like if things had been different." 

"It should have been wonderful," reflected Tighe distantly.

"It must have been," rejoined Janeway.

"I remember… it was my seventh birthday, and you were trying to bake a chocolate fudge cake, and you nearly destroyed the replicator making it. Of course, the cake was an unmitigated disaster." 

"Sounds familiar," said Janeway, laughing.

"So in the end we forced Dad to eat it all… we couldn't stop laughing at the faces he made." Tighe smiled at the memory. "He couldn't finish it all, of course… so we had a food fight." 

"A food fight," said Janeway wonderingly. "It must have been fun." 

"It sure was." Tighe sighed and drew her knees up to her chin. "I miss those days." 

Janeway looked down, unsure of what to say, not knowing how to convey the empathy, the loss that she felt. "Well…" she paused. "At least we have the time now." 

Tighe smiled. "That's right. And… I mean, you're not actually my mother, in the real sense, but there were so many questions I wanted to ask that I never got the chance to." She frowned. "And now, meeting you here… it's almost like a second chance." 

"A second chance?" 

"To get to know you." Her mouth quirked. "It was the biggest mistake of my life, but when you… my mother… was alive, I kept a distance." Her brow creased. "I had so much misguided anger in me and I vented it on my parents… we weren't exactly the best of friends." 

Janeway held her hand tightly. "Growing up in the midst of one war after another… I wouldn't have blamed you. My father spent so much time away from home fighting the Cardassians… it made me angry, too." 

"Not half as angry as I was, I'll bet. The moment I graduated from Starfleet Academy I sought an assignment that would take me out to the furthest reaches of space, far from anywhere Starfleet's flagship would be posted. Not only that, I hardly ever replied to transmissions as well." A sardonic, bitter smile crossed her face. "It must have been really cruel." 

Janeway carefully considered this anguished young woman before her and wanted to weep. How could she- her alternate self- have pushed her daughter so far away? Even if the girl had tried to isolate herself she might at least have tried to reconcile their differences. "I don't know about you, but I think they must have loved you. Very much." She gazed into Tighe's eyes. "I would have." 

Tighe gave her a crooked smile. "Oh, I'm sure she did. The problem is that I wasn't reciprocating much of it." Her voice grew rough with emotion. "Until after she died, that is." 

"I'm sorry," was all Janeway could think of to say.

"Don't be," said Tighe, breaking into an abrupt smile. "You're still here. We can talk." 

"Yes," said Janeway, "we can talk." 

Tighe leaned forward on the couch, propping her chin up with her elbows. "Tell me more about your childhood…" 


	5. Chapter Five

linecrossed5 ****

A Line I Crossed (Part 5)

Another _Voyager_ fanfic by TaTTooGaL™ (Lt Taya 17 Janeway) 

_Well the sun rose with so many colors_

It nearly broke my heart

And worked me over like a work of art

And I was a part of all that

******

It was late at night on the Starship _Enterprise_, and the engine room was nearly deserted except for a few persons from both the _Enterprise_ and the _Voyager_, slaving away over advanced quantum physics. Data, for one, was there, as well as Seven of Nine, working till the wee hours of the morning. Dax and Torres had chosen to join them as well, and Kim had arrived slightly later. They were all exhausted by the heavy repair work, but they gamely conversed with each other as they worked. 

Data was singing as he worked. It was a bad habit of his, but his efficiency allowed him enough focus to both work on complex fourth-dimensional equations as well as harmonize. He sang an old jazz blues tune from the early twentieth century. Kim was impressed. "You sing well, Captain," he told Data. "Maybe we can have a jazz duet: you could sing, and I'd play my clarinet." 

"I attempted a similar performance with Commander Riker on the _Enterprise_-D once before," Data replied. "I sang while being accompanied on his trombone. The result was… interesting, but Commander Riker told me it was better than my whistling at any rate." 

"Maybe you should have a duet with Seven," suggested Torres, a twinkle in her eye. "I've heard that she has quite a phenomenal talent." 

"From the Doctor, no doubt," commented Seven. "He has a tendency to exaggerate." 

"Still, it'd be worth a listen," said Dax, punching up another wormhole equation. Her former host, Jadzia, had been an expert in this area, and Counselor Ezri Dax still retained much of that knowledge. "How about right now, since we have the time?" 

Seven and Data glanced at each other. "Which piece?" Seven asked Data. 

"You select; I have a vast databank of harmonies from all times and places." Data told her. "I can even sing Klingon opera, if you'd like." 

Seven favored him with a rare smile. "The Perfect Year from the musical _Sunset Boulevard_." 

"Mid twentieth century, Andrew Lloyd Webber," agreed Data. "Bring out the old, bring in the new, a midnight wish to share with you…" 

As they were singing Bashir stepped into the engine room. The room was large and fairly empty at this point of time, and the resonating voices of the two singers rang loud and clear: almost like a concert hall. When they'd ended he raised his hands and politely clapped them. "That was excellent, Captain. But you'd better not let Beverly hear you sing like that; it'd just reinforce her silly notion of getting the whole crew to put up a musical for the annual admiral's ball." Bashir sighed. "You don't hear people singing that often on our ship." 

"True; there isn't much to sing for these days," commiserated Data. "Did you want something, Doctor?" 

"Let me see, it's two a.m. and my kids are still waiting in their quarters for a bedtime story and a goodnight kiss… maybe I've come to get my wife back?" 

Dax laughed and punched Bashir lightly on the arm. "I get the point, Julian. I know it's late… but can't you see I'm doing work?" 

"A psychiatrist working on quantum mechanics? Next thing you'll see me working on the warp core." Bashir grinned at Dax.

"I'll eat my boots before I let you do that," came a jovial voice from the back. It was Geordi LaForge, returning to work after a late supper. "I've heard enough of Miles' complaints that you can tell the right way up on an isolinear chip." 

"That's because there _isn't_ a right way up," retorted Bashir, laughing.

LaForge walked over to the banks of console where they were working to analyze the work. "I think we're making good progress," he said, poring over the lines of symbols and inscriptions. "We might even finish our calculations within the next few days." 

"Well, then I'd better get that clarinet duet scheduled pretty soon," said Kim, half-jokingly, but his words held a twinge of regret in them. The _Enterprise_'s foray into their universe had been purely accidental, caused by a small error in a calculation algorithm, which had been since then been modified. It was unlikely that the two ships would ever encounter each other again. A pity, really. The two crews got along so well with each other.

"The clarinet, Harry? I didn't know you played an instrument. Myself, Captain Picard taught me how to play a Ressikan flute in the time when our two ships were working together on some subspace anomalies before the Soran incident." It was Tighe, standing in the doorway with Janeway. "Maybe you'd better make that a triplet, Captain." 

Smiles spread across the room as Janeway and Tighe made their way across the room. Torres angled a wicked glance at Seven. "Make that a quartet act, Data," she suggested.

Tighe stood in front of the banks of consoles and smirked. "I should have known… never leave a group of engineers to work on higher level quantum equations… what do you think the fabric of space-time is, a plasma manifold? Where did all these inverse-square functions come from?" She chuckled as her deft fingers reworked the equations.

Janeway stood next to her and watched her as she worked, dropping suggestions every now and then. Kim eyed them with a slight smile on his face. _Like mother, like daughter,_ he thought.

Another face popped in through the door. It was Tom Paris, looking slightly annoyed. "B'Elanna? You in there?" He caught sight of the half-Klingon engineer and his face dissolved into an expression of relief. "_Finally_! I've been running around _two_ ships looking for you!" He gestured to the interior of the room. "May I come in?" 

When nobody protested he walked in and settled down on the floor beside Torres. "Doesn't answer commbadge, isn't in Engineering, can't be found…" He muttered. "B'Elanna, you've got to keep better track of yourself." He grinned. 

"Where did everyone go to?" came another petulant voice from the doorway. It was Alena Paris. She stepped in and surveyed the small crowd gathered in the engine room. "What is this, some kind of clandestine midnight gathering? How come I wasn't invited?" Grinning, she caught Tom Paris' eye and waved. "Hi." 

Dax laughed. "Come to think of it, all the off-duty senior crew _are_ here…" she gazed around. "With the notable exception of our CMO, of course…" 

At that moment, as if on cue, Beverly Crusher walked into the engine room, arms akimbo.

"Speak of the devil," said Dax.

"This must be the most happening place in the universe," observed Bashir with a smile.

"It must be the _feng shui_. It's drawing everyone here." Dax grinned.

"What was that all about?" asked Crusher, curious.

"Nothing much. Did you want something?" asked Bashir.

"Just _where in the world_ did you keep my chocolate tin in Sickbay?" she asked. "I can't even have a midnight snack without turning the place upside down!" 

"Oh. That." Bashir looked sheepish. "Remember the night shift had a tea-party last week…?" 

Crusher threw up her hands. "And you ate every single one of my chocolate cookies! Thieves and philanderers!" 

The room resounded with laughter at that. Chakotay chose that moment to step into the fairly crowded engine room. "Captain?" 

Janeway straightened up from where she'd been leaning on a support strut to watch the antics of the crew. "Is there something wrong, Chakotay?" 

He was smirking in the way that he had, indicating his amusement. "Nothing, except a special personal request from Tuvok regarding shift changes." He handed her a padd with an irrepressible grin. 

Janeway took it and scanned it. "He wants to go for an earlier shift? Why?" 

Chakotay's smirk widened as he leaned closer to his captain. "With his shift only in three hours' time and all of you socializing over here, he's stuck alone in the mess hall." An evil glint came into his eye. "Neelix is trying out Terran-style rapping on him." 

Janeway's eyes widened in disbelief. "Rapping? What kind?" 

"Late twentieth to early twenty-first. Nothing but the classics, of course. Puff Daddy, Eminem…" 

Paris fell over in laughter. "_Neelix_ doing Eminem? No wonder Tuvok wants to find any excuse to get out of the Mess Hall as fast as possible!" 

Kim looked confused. "What's an Eminem?" 

Paris shot him a wicked look. "Trust me, you really don't want to know, Mr. Juliard-trained Clarinetist." 

"Eminem was a late-twentieth white rapper who garnered much controversy in the artistic world for his use of extremely offensive and vulgar content in his compositions," offered Data helpfully. "A sampling of the lyrics from his hit single, The Real Slim Shady, is as follows-" 

LaForge raised his hand and stopped Data in time. "Thank you, Data, that was most informative. _And_ it's all we need to know." 

"I _did_ find it a very illuminating example of human expression," said Data plaintively. "It constitutes a … very strong display of emotions. I thought others might benefit from this." 

Seven's interest was immediately piqued. "Really. Perhaps you might care to enlighten me." 

Data opened his mouth to speak, but he was interrupted by an excited exclamation from Tighe. "I got it!" she exclaimed, and her eyes grew wide. "We can go _home_." 

Torres gave her a disbelieving glance. "That fast?" She wandered over to her console. "We've been slaving on this the _whole day_!" 

Tighe shrugged. "Hey, I _specialize_ in this field. If there's anyone on this ship who's supposed to be able to do this kind of math, it's me." She nodded to Janeway. "Could you help me get an isolinear transfer chip? They're stored in the compartment under that console there." 

"So I guess that means you'll be leaving soon," said Janeway as she leaned down to open the compartment. She stared in surprise as she found stacks and stacks of plump square objects. "They look like pillows to me." 

"That's because they are. The isolinear chips are to your right… No, not that one, the one next to it… yes." She sighed, then glanced at Data. "I guess we leave whenever Data says so." 

Data nodded. "We should not delay too much. Starfleet needs all the resources they have at hand to battle the Dominion." At the mention of the war the jovial mood in the engine room sobered considerably.

"Yeah, I guess," said Kim with a tinge of melancholy in his voice. "Starfleet needs you." 

"And we'll probably never run into each other again," said Crusher wistfully. "Kind of a pity." She didn't exactly say _we'll miss you_, but it was implied in her words.

"Yeah, well, at least it was fun while it lasted," said Paris, leaning back on a console with a grin, eliciting blips of protest from it.

"And there's always time for a farewell pillow fight," said Bashir with a mischievous glint.

"A pillow fight?" asked Torres suspiciously.

"What did you think those pillows were for, sleepovers?" asked Geordi. "That's the Engineering weapons locker." 

Data gave them a disapproving look. "I believe that pillow fights are inappropriate displays of decorum- or lack thereof- which befits Starfleet officers." 

"Oh, come on, Captain," cajoled Tighe, "it's a time-honored _Enterprise_ tradition…" 

Data's stern expression melted into a smile. "Then again, a few rounds certainly wouldn't hurt…" he gave Seven a slight wink. "It would be a suitable outlet for human expression." 

Janeway grabbed a pillow and swatted Chakotay on the butt. "I don't see why not." 

"Hey! I was unarmed!" protested Chakotay, seizing another pillow and bopping Janeway on the head. Tighe could only laugh as everyone else scrambled to get a pillow, carefree as she'd never been in months.

******

__

But now I'm sleeping fine

Sometimes the truth is like a second chance

I am the daughter of a great romance

And they are the children of the war

******

The _Enterprise_-E hovered beside the _Voyager_ for the last time; the last transport between the two ships was currently taking place. 

Tighe had arranged it so that she was one of the last to transport off. She watched as Reskin and Torres exchanged a big, friendly hug before he stepped onto the transporter pad. He gave her a brief nod and she worked the consoles, beaming him away. Now she was the only one left. 

Kim and Janeway had both accompanied her to the transporter room. Kim handed her a small object made out of blue glass. It was a paperweight carved in the shape of a dolphin. "I made that last year sometime during my fetish with handicrafts," he told her. "I want you to have it. To remember that places are only dark because someplace else, there is light." 

Tighe held it in her hand, eyes wide. "It's beautiful." She smiled up at Kim. "Thank you, Harry. I won't forget." 

Kim headed over to the transporter controls, leaving her alone with Janeway. 

"Well," said Janeway slowly, "I guess this is goodbye." 

"Yes." Tighe reached down to her pocket, drew out a thin flexible plastic sheet, and handed it to Janeway. "I want you to have this." 

Janeway took it. It was the picture of her family on Risa, taken so many years ago. Her expression melted. "Amanda… this…" She glanced gratefully at her. "Thank you." 

"_I_ should be the one thanking you… you helped me come to grips with my life." Tighe smiled. "You helped me put my grief behind me." 

The two women embraced, and it was like closing a door on another chapter of their lives, closing the small window which had shown them another facet, given them another chance in life. 

When Tighe drew back her eyes were shining. "If you ever have a child… be as good a mother to her as my mother was to me, " she said. Then she stepped onto the transporter pad, never taking her gaze from Janeway. 

Janeway nodded, solemn. "I promise I will." 

Kim worked the console. "Ready… energizing." As the walls of the _Voyager_ dissolved away Tighe closed her eyes with a beautiful smile, mentally bidding farewell to the one woman who'd changed her life most for the second time.

******

__

So go ahead, push your luck

Say what it is you've got to say to me

We will push on into that mystery

And it'll push right back

And there are worse things than that

'Cause for every price

And every penance that I could think of

It's better to have fallen in love

Than never to have fallen at all

******

Janeway was secure in her quarters, musing about the experiences of the past few days. She held the holograph in her hand, tilting it back and forth so that the surface caught the light and reflected it brilliantly at her. It was odd, looking at a picture of herself in a situation she couldn't remember at all. It was almost like… she had a piece of her life she didn't know anything about.

She considered the frozen image of her family that never was. Another life, another time, but she somehow felt a strange kind of empathy to the woman in this holograph. She remembered her last words to Amanda, and smiled, putting the photo down. In the space of a few days, a painful wound had been reopened and then healed again, this time more fully and assuredly than before. She no longer had to wonder what her life would have been like if the tragedy had never occurred. 

And now that she knew, she found it even harder to leave the life that she had now for something else, tempting as it was. Faced with a different reality, she had realized how much her present one meant to her. She couldn't imagine a day without it. Things were so beautiful now. It was like she'd been given a second chance to make things right, and she had, for both her estranged daughter and herself. Janeway smiled down at the beaming woman in the picture. "You owe me one." 

Her commbadge beeped and she tapped it. "Janeway here." 

It was Chakotay. "Captain? Where are you? We've been waiting ten minutes!" 

She drew in a breath. She'd been so caught up with her own thoughts she's completely forgotten about Kim's birthday celebration in the Mess Hall. "It slipped my mind! I'm sorry; I'll be right there." 

She could hear the smirk in Chakotay's voice. "It's alright. But you'd better hurry, or we'll start on the birthday pranks without you." His voice lowered conspiratorially. "You wouldn't want to miss out on stripping Ensign Kim, now, would you?" 

"You barbarians. If you aren't afraid of a court-martial, go ahead and try. I'll be right there. Janeway out." She closed the commlink, laughing. Sometimes it was better to have things done the way they were than not to have them done at all. She put the shadows of the roads not taken behind her and headed out for the Mess Hall, to embrace the one that she had been given.

__

'Cause when you live in a world

Well it gets in to who you thought you'd be

And now I laugh at how the world changed me

I think life chose me after all.

**__**

_______The End_________

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